jesterspawn's Xanga

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 02:36:26 GMT

Uh Oh, Kids!
Look What I Found...

So there I was, wading through the swamps of North Hollywood... and I saw this:

Yeah, that's right.

To complete the experience, I recommend going to the "videos" section of the official site and watching the "character profile" for Cpl. Ray Person. Classic.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:47:53 GMT

That Thing You Call 'Prosperity?'
Sometimes We Call That 'Spoiled.'

So our economy is in a slump. Gas prices are soaring. Oh, woe is us.

How sad that we now are forced to cast a hard look at our spending, "trimming the fat" in order to consider saving money. How unfortunate that our price of gas has almost risen to half the cost in Europe, so that we must now second-guess our decision to drive a vehicle every time we need to be more than 20 yards away from home. How tragic that, in America, it is no longer acceptable for someone with "a long driveway" to fire up the SUV in order to retrieve the contents of his own mailbox.

We, as a nation, have gotten fat, and I mean that as much figuratively as literally. You know why? Because we've had it good. Sure, our parents knew what it was like to go through rough times; they lived and worked through the 1970's. (Which was already the good life compared to their parents who experienced the Great Depression.) But things kept getting better, and you and I grew up in an age of prosperity. I'm not saying we got everything we wanted; I heard "we can't afford that" as much as the next kid. But ultimately, the sun shone brightly on the US of A and that was just fine with us. We don't know how good we had it.

Well now the tables are turning and, shockingly, people are actually learning some responsibility. I was proud to learn that even in the Midwest, people are apparently getting the memo re: SUV's are dead. What's next, a widespread knowledge of hypermiling?

Hey, look, I'm sorry fast food chains aren't doing so well right now. I'm sorry Starbucks is hurting and fewer people are attending professional sporting events. I know those things are all valid parts of our economy. But when you step back and look at the big picture, maybe it's okay that we're learning to cut out things that can be unhealthy for more than just our wallets. Maybe professional athletes can learn to scrape by on fewer millions of dollars. And if more people are skipping McDonalds in favor of cooking at home, maybe one of the dozen McDonaldses in your town will close down and a grocery store with local produce will open in its stead.

Perhaps the craziest thing is that when people are forced to reevaluate one aspect of their lives, they will occasionally improve other areas as well. People who have been "forced" to start walking or biking rather than driving might discover that they actually enjoy the activity and appreciate the extra energy it gives them. And shedding those few extra pounds may actually improve their self-esteem. People who are now "forced" to examine their budget and cut out the purchase of non-essential luxury items just might discover that getting those credit cards paid off feels pretty good and lends them a general feeling of well-being they've never known.

I'm not saying things are great. I'm not saying it'll be easy. But being compelled to pay attention to the consequences of our actions just might turn out to be what this country needed. Sometimes the going has to get tough, you dig?

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Sat, 03 May 2008 08:05:34 GMT

A Quick Note
No, Really...

Admittedly, I'm fresh from the theater and still on movie-high, which might make this as reliable as the proverbial drunk-post, but what the heck. If I regret saying it tomorrow, I'll let you know.

So allow me to be as brief as my last post was verbose and simply say that Ironman could very well be the new standard by which all future comicbook-based films are judged. There are always caveats to statements like that, of course, but we'll discuss those after you've seen it. Which should be at your earliest convenience.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 20:57:51 GMT

Rumors! Wild Speculation!
Fictional Portents of DOOM!

*****
Dear readers:

    If you do not care about videogames and the business of creating them, you'll probably want to go read something else. Don't say I didn't warn you.

    Also, in the interest of full disclosure, let it be known that I own both a Wii and an Xbox 360. I own 10 games for the Wii and 5 games for the 360, not counting Virtual Console or Live Arcade. I also own stock in Nintendo, but that's simply because I saw the writing on the wall at E3 '05 and as a general rule I'm not against easy money. Regardless, I'm going to base this discussion around an elusive tool called "logic." So if we're lucky, I might actually make a decent point.

    If you've read this far and you're still with me… you're probably a huge nerd. But you passed the test, so read on.
*****

    So there have been rumors swirling around lately to the effect that the Wii has reached its peak of popularity and its future will be a sad, downward spiral. Ordinarily, I wouldn't pay any mind, because usually those kinds of "news stories" turn out to be sponsored by Sony. But this time, some reputable sources have gotten in on the action.

    Anyway, part of the rumor centers around the claim that third-party games do not sell on the Wii. While it is certainly true that third-party software can make or break a console, and that Nintendo's first-party games typically outsell third-party ones, I am suggesting that perhaps the assumption that the Wii's third-party sales are "weak" is still flawed. My theory is that the outlook for the third-party guys isn't as bleak as some people would have you believe.

    There are those who would point at the games-to-hardware ratios to support their claims. The average Wii owner only purchases 3.7 games per year, while X360 owners buy 4.7 games and PS3 owners 4.6 games per year. Oh, the horror! Surely this statistic doth bode ill for teh futures!

    The problem here is the classic trick of "taking things out of context," which can be a great tool when you want to convince people of something and you're pretty sure they're not paying very close attention. But before we get too carried away, I just want to re-examine the fact that the Wii console itself has outsold its rivals virtually every month of its existence. What this means is that there are a lot of Wii systems out there.

    Nintendo just released their financial report for the fiscal year, and if I'm reading it correctly their numbers show that they've sold a little more than 24 million Wii systems worldwide so far. Now, you'll have to bear with me because Microsoft and Sony haven't released their yearly reports yet, but by extrapolating data that is only a couple months old I am tentatively guessing that it'll come out to around 19 million total units of Xbox360 and probably 12-13 million PS3's sold so far. For the sake of argument I'll say 13 million PS3's. Update: I just checked VGChartz and they’ve got the Xbox at 18.35 million and the PS3 at 11.9 million, so my estimates were a little high for those systems.

    Alright, now let's say you're a third-party developer/publisher and your dream is to achieve the legendary “million-seller” status. To achieve that feat with a Wii title, you would need 4% of all Wii owners to buy your game. Even with the large amount of Wii games fighting for shelf space, 4% isn’t an unreasonable market penetration. And to date, of the 25 Wii games that have achieved million-seller status, 10 of them were published by a third-party. That ain’t too bad.

    Now, let’s say you're that same third-party developer or publisher, but now you want to sell a million copies on the Playstation 3. You're going to need more than 8% of all PS3 owners to purchase your game. For the record, at the time of this writing, 12 games have achieved million-seller status on PS3, with 8 of them being from third-party publishers.

Now, bear in mind this is just a different way of looking at numbers. A million copies is a million copies, and it’s very possible that the interests of all PS3 owners overlap enough that 8% penetration is not a scary target for your product. I’m just putting things into perspective regarding the potential sales that a “niche” game can have when your user base is larger.

    But wait! There's more! If you also take into account that the target audience for the Wii is much broader than the traditional "gamer" market, spanning the breadth from pre-teens to senior citizens, you might even find it quite remarkable that the average owner is buying 3.5 games per year. I mean, if some of these "journalists" are right in their assumptions that all the "hardcore" gamers are gravitating to the Xbox 360 and PS3, while the "casual" owners of the Wii are notorious for buying nothing beyond Wii Sports… Then who the heck is buying all those millions of games? (Fanboys, insert gif of a Wii printing money or a clip of a Jon Stewart smirky-shrug here.)

    Moving on… Furthering the doom and gloom forecast, multiple sites have made “alarming” reports that after a strong opening week, the sales numbers for Smash Bros: Brawl have been dropping off! Gasp!

    Surely this would be terrifying if not for the fact that, uh… that's pretty much exactly what happens when every highly-anticipated game is released.

    The thing with rabid fanboys for any popular gaming franchise, be it Smash Bros or Halo or Metal Gear Solid, is that they tend to pre-order games. To my knowledge, those pre-orders typically count as sales for Week One. Now, does anyone out there actually believe that Halo 3 sold nearly as many copies in its third week as it did during the first week when hundreds of thousands of preorders were filled? No. But you know what? I bet they were still pretty dang big. Because when you're talking about "millions" of anything, you can decrease your number by quite a few percent and still be left with a very large number. Funny how that works.

    And, on that note, I'd like to remind the audience that Smash Bros: Brawl sold 2.7 million copies in the first month. To my knowledge, this single-month record fails to surpass the 3.3 million mark set by Halo 3, but still stands as one of the biggest single-month sales records in gaming history. And it performed that feat not during the holiday season, but during March, a month not typically known for stellar game sales. Bear in mind that if Smash Bros: Brawl failed to sell a single copy beyond today, it would already be a major success by anyone’s standards. And yet this is what you come to me with to "prove" to me that Nintendo's popularity is waning?

    For lack of a smoother segue, I’m just going to jump tracks to my final issue: Shovelware. Or, rather, the casual games that are so easily called shovelware by the hardcore gamer crowd. I’m not denying that there are publishers out there who are kicking out half-baked garbage onto the Wii just to make a few quick bucks. But I’m also a firm believer that “simple” doesn’t always mean “bad.” At least, not for all audiences.

    The thing that so many gamer sites apparently keep forgetting is that they are only a small part of the target demographic for the Wii. No matter how good Okami may be, your grandma probably isn’t interested. But Carnival Games? Oh hells yeah, she be all up on that. I haven’t actually played Carnival Games, and I’m not saying that I’d like it if I did. But just like some “serious” movie reviewers have no business critiquing an action movie when they’re incapable of appreciating the genre, I’m not sure MY review of Carnival Games would even be appropriate.

    And there’s the rub, as they say. It is entirely possible for a game to have no story and be lacking in depth and have no artistic merit and still be a great source of entertainment for someone who has no eye for those things. And like it or not, Nintendo has cast their nets wide enough with the Wii that they have created a legitimate market for that kind of game. Hardcore gamers are just going to have to accept that their hobby has gone mainstream. Like rock and roll, videogames are no longer anti-establishment. It’s just part of the growth of the industry. And I think, contrary to the doomsayers’ rumors, that the trend is going to continue.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:58:22 GMT

A Thought
About Respect

Since I regularly find myself defending movies with poor ratings and lackluster box-office performance, I find it a welcome change of pace to be here today in support of a movie which is actually doing okay. I speak of "Be Kind Rewind." Granted, its numbers are modest, but so was the production budget. So rather than soapboxing in attempt to convince you to see it, I'm just going to tell you something that impressed me about it.

Of course, being me, I have to provide the inevitable back story:

Since as far back as high school, my "people" and I have always had the habit of staying in a theater until after the credits have rolled, particularly if we liked the movie. We never discussed why we did it. It was just sort of a mutually-understood gesture of support. An intangible thing, incapable of affecting the film's bottom line, yet offered as a salute nonetheless.

Frequently, we were the only people to do so. The majority of midwesterners habitually exit the theater as soon as the credits begin (and why shouldn't they?) Furthermore, no matter which theater in the region you're attending, there is always the man in overalls with the uncanny knack of feeling the end of the film approaching who is already at the exit when the first name appears on screen. I like to imagine him sitting there in the dark when his knuckles begin to ache, warning him of the impending boredom. "I 'spect we oughtta head for the truck."

Anyway, I have come to understand that Los Angeles is full of people who, like me, make it a habit to sit through the credits. Close to half the attendees, in some cases, and sometimes more. Occasionally you'll hear a group somewhere behind you cheer when one of their names scrolls by, but mostly it seems that people just do it for the same unspoken reasons I always did.

Well, to finally make my point, when the credits rolled on "Be Kind Rewind," nobody moved. It was a Saturday night showing with a decent turn-out, and it was at least a full minute before a single bottom left a seat. Even then, only a few quietly (and seemingly respectfully) departed.

I don't know exactly what, but that says something.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 04:41:32 GMT

A Little Less Vegetation; A Little More Action
(or, "Industrious Deprivation and Me: An American Tale")

...Which is an unnecessarily verbose way of describing the plan Lauren and I are currently putting into action. Wait, first let me give some back-story.

Okay, so whenever I get an idea for a cool project, I type it up or sketch it out or start a 3d model or whatever. And I've got this collection of these ideas, all of which I feel are worth pursuing in some degree or another. Except the thing is, I haven't been doing any of that for awhile. When Lauren and I get home from work, it is our custom to relax. Sometimes we watch shows together, sometimes she reads while I play videogames. But basically, we veg.

Well on Sunday, we were talking about where we want to go for the next chapter of our life story together. This chapter has been cool and all, but stones that sit still get mossy and it ain't mossy time yet. So we're talking about jobs and stuff, and it occurs to me to check out my projects folder and see if there's anything in there I should bust out to sweeten my portfolio. Well, yeah. Heck yeah. There are all kinds of awesome in that folder. Only problem being that it's all incomplete and all I do after work is play games. There's the rub, as they say.

So my genius wife suggests that, for one work-week, we both cut videogames and TV out of our evening routines. (With the exception of Lost, natch.) The weekend is still fair game for lounging, but weeknights are for earning real-life achievements. If it goes well, we'll extend it for another week, and so on.

So far, so good. She's been doing an online course and having more time to read, while my latest project has me in the guest room, setting the timer on my camera and taking pictures of myself doing things like this:

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:33:34 GMT

I lik to a play tatress on the gamboy

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:52:09 GMT

Defender of Truth, Justice...
...And Underdog Movies

No, not the Underdog movie. I just mean decent ones that get ragged on by snooty critics, which is something that happens with increasing frequency.

So we went to see Jumper. You might have heard its been getting some pretty bad reviews. It was sitting uncomfortably at a 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes last I checked, which was approximately 12 hours after I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.

Now, being me, I do not want to give any spoilers here which limits my ability to effectively communicate what I'd like, but I'll do what I can. What I can tell you is that I was able to look past the occasional cheese, and what I saw was a compelling world about which I would like to know more. I saw a flawed character who grew into a still flawed, yet more mature character and that change was interesting to me. Even more interesting to me is that his evolution as a character is incomplete.

The thing I liked best about it was that the filmmakers didn't feel compelled to hold my hand. They didn't explain to me the extent of the situation; they simply let me ride along as the main character uncovers the proverbial iceberg tips and let us each try to piece it together. It is not a nice neat package. It is a collection of loosely-gathered strings and I look forward to the sequel in order to see where they lead.

In completely unrelated news, don't hold your breath for the latest 10 Minute Cure. In my haste to get it rolling, I kinda screwed up the way I was having people participate and I'm debating whether its worth fixing or if I have to scrap it and re-request submissions under different guidelines.

In other completely unrelated news, here are some answers to questions you might ask about my profile picture:

*Yes, it is real.
*No, I do not still have it.
*It took probably 5 months to get that length, and was part of a full beard.
*I kept it as you see it for about a month.
*Yes, I put product on it.
*She didn't love it, but tolerated it because as much as she hated to admit it she says I "can pull it off."

Monday, December 17, 2007

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 23:38:31 GMT

You Like Will Smith
Come On, Admit It.

So, I Am Legend. I mean, I’m not, but I saw the movie and feel compelled to share my opinion because I’m probably That Guy sometimes. Also, if early reports are to be believed, it set a new (non inflation-adjusted) record for opening weekends in December, so it must be a somewhat relevant topic, which I will attempt to discuss in a manner free of spoilers.

The bottom line is that I Am Legend is a good movie. But wait! My calling it “a good movie” doesn’t mean you should run out and purchase tickets right away. First, one must take into account that it was ALMOST a great movie. And when one catches glimpses of potential greatness which has clearly been stifled by poor decision-making, the resultant “good” movie can be a disappointment.

A quick side note which will make the discussion easier: I’m just going to refer to the antagonists as “zombies.” Whether you want to call them The Infected or Night-Seekers or whatever, when you boil it all down you’ve got a zombie movie and that’s what I’m going to call them.

The biggest disappointment and most obvious bad decision is one you might have already gathered from the trailer. I speak of the decision to make all of zombies CG. It didn’t work. Hey, I’m all for embracing technology. A skilled hand can sometimes use fully-CG characters in live-action films to great effect. See Davey Jones from the second Pirates movie (not so much the third one) or Brandon Routh’s digital double in Superman Returns, which you probably assumed was the real guy shot on greenscreen. But in this case, the CG characters fall flat, leaving the audience to consider the idea of a virus which turns people into cheesy-looking polygons.

And it’s not just the rendering/compositing! An even more heinous crime is the stretching! I want a face-to-face meeting with the suit (it’s always a suit) who said, “We need to really exaggerate their faces. Stretch them to 150% of normal when they scream,” so I can sock him right in his soft belly for helping to destroy realism so he could justify his fat paycheck by making a decision. Hey there, Vice President of Stupid, jaws hinge at the back! When you force your artists to make the lower half of your humanoid characters’ faces drop down in rubbery ways which defy the very laws of science, it poops all over your audiences’ suspension of disbelief! For future reference, this is bad.

Hollywood, take note: Don’t use CG when a guy in makeup will suffice. That line of thinking leads to the dark side, and we all know George Lucas is bat poop effing loco. If all the zombies in I Am Legend had been real people in suits/makeup, I feel confident saying the movie would have been twice as terrifying. And probably less expensive, to boot. Yeah, there are some shots that can’t be safely done with an actor, but let necessity dictate which is which, not some prick who owns stock in an effects house.

Also, on a side note, I know automotive tie-ins are en vogue right now, but for the love of God make it a little less obvious. If you want every “good guy” in a movie to drive the same brand of car, that’s fine, but you don’t go overboard with shots of people conveniently aligning the front grille of their cars with the camera. I don’t really want to be reminded fifteen times that This Film was Brought To Me by Ford.

So aside from the visuals, the other big problem was that I Am Legend was clearly edited to remove vital plot points. This part is tricky to discuss without spoilers, but you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when you see it. There is an aspect of the story that gets spread on pretty thick, but never acknowledged by the characters. Aaron posited the theory that it was edited for time, although Kathy pointed out that it wasn’t really that long of a movie. I think it’s more likely that some of the test audiences felt like things got hokey. And, assuming that I’m chasing the right rabbit trail, I’d go so far as to say the CG-ness of the zombies is WHY things would get hokey on those particular plot points.

Regardless of my complaints, something about the flick is compelling enough that our crew was still discussing it hours later. Indeed, the wife and I were still talking about it as we were getting ready for bed. And here I am dedicating a fair amount of words to further the discussion. Clearly, had the movie been crap, we would have already forgotten it. I think the reason we’re unable to simply let it go is my aforementioned point that the movie was so close to being something really special. Like the time that you considered buying Google stock the day before it shot up 300%, I Am Legend makes you wish life had do-overs.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 01:31:11 GMT

My Sadface
Let Me Show You It.

So that new experimental variation on the 10 Minute Cure that I'm doing? The top-secret one for which I had such big hopes? Well, it's come to a standstill. I planned it based on the responses I got for volunteers, but two of those volunteers are now holding up the project.

Because I want to protect those two volunteers from public shame, I will refrain from telling you that their names are Dan Lamphear and Jami Solomon.

I hope those anonymous volunteers will stop breaking my heart someday by taking 10 minutes to make my dream come true. :(